So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
