i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
