none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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