it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
