I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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