Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
