How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
