What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
