i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
