Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
