Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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