I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
