I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
