There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
