Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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