You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
