Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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