Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
