I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
