at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
