Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
