I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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