Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
