i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
