I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
