I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
