the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Another day, another engagement, another cat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
