Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
