woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
