I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
