Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
