Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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