Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
