Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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