i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
