Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Randomize
