i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
