But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
