I got chris browned last night
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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