This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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