Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
