Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
