I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
