yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
