My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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