Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
