Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
