i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your penis caused this!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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