Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
