Someone shit on the floor
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
