Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was born a porn star she said
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What a dumb baby whore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
