I heard we made out
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
