Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I need to stop coming to work sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
